I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
