and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
