ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
