Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
