i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
