2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
