The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
