Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
