I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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