even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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