You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
