she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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