I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
