end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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