This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
