we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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