where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
