Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
