Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
