So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
