Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize