Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
