she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize