I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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