Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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