rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
