If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
