Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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