sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
