I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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