it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
