I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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