she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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