I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sorry my hands just texted you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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