I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
