dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
