I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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