fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
