oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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