He uses pillows to masturbate.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize