Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
