you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
