i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
