Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
