The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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