it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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