a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
