I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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