you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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