Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize