Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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