I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
