ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize