someone owes me an orgasm
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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