bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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