i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
