Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
