He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
