I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
