she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I love you. Go after that dick
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
