so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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