There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
