I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
