my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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