you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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