how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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