Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
