sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
