I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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