And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
