They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
