Christians are straight up FREAKS
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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