Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
