you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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