Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
