I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
