As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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