he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
