No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
