is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
