I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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