Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
