I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
