No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
