every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
