Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
