I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize