You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
