I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
