I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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