I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
this is an emotional support booty call
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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