I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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