he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
