i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
