Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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