You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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