The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
