as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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