even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
