Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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