woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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