The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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