There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
